So I've been feeling not like myself for the last few days. I have barely been eating and getting minimal (and when I say minimal exercise I do mean my 30 minutes x 3 days). Last week I kicked ass. I did double workouts five days out of the week and felt amazing. I didn't once stop at a place with a window where someone would hand me food or beverage it was awesome. Then something happened. I still don't know what but it happened. Last night.
I had, for the sake of needing some time with friends decided to go for a drink with a friend of mine. It was fun. I was feeling more like myself. We watched a really bad date play out in front of us. Then I got home. I got home and went to bed. At 4 o'clock this morning I woke up because someone was outside my window with a truck. It woke me AND Kevin, the kitten, out of a sound sleep. I couldn't fall back to sleep so I went to watch tv. That's when it happened. I burst into tears. I mean sobbing uncontrollable tears. The only thing I kept saying was "I can't handle this" to no one in particular (Kevin had fallen back to sleep). I don't know where it came from, I don't know why I did it.
Maybe I'm just letting go of emotions that have been holding me back. Maybe it's just that some bricks are coming down in this crazy wall that is my fat self. Physically I feel good. Heck I dropped 5 pounds already! Emotionally I'm a wreck though, I know I have to work through it but I don't know what IT is yet and that scares me.
I love you guys for your support, love that you keep me on my toes and remind me when I've slacked (Andrea) and love that you can't wait to see the skinny girl too!
XOXO Me
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